When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
