yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
