I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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