How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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