I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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