Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
