either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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