I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You can't motorboat a personality
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
