I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Two words: nipple clamps
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