My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I checked into jail on foursquare
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
