just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my being single is dangerous.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
