Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
