my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
