You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
