did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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