when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I will be naked everywhere
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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