You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
