Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
