I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
