I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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