It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize