the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
