She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
