I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
