the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
