he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
