i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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