I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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