when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
