Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
