I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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