You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
