It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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