I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
