the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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