Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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