The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
