we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
