If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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