Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
