he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize