Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
