Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
