Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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