We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
