This is not my ceiling
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
