Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
