also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
