We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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