Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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