Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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