come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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