she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
