so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
