we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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