he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
