Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
