okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
