I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
