i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
