i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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