You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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