My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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